Thoughts

I've been to two proms. 

All I can think of is just NO.

I blame my own inability to have fun or maybe enjoy social events in general, I don't know. I'm not really sure whether it's just that I don't feel like myself lately or I just surround myself with people I don't have much in common.

Lately I don't feel like going out, 

eating (that much) or just enjoying myself.  This feels like sabotaging myself more than anything and it hurts. Not in physical way but knowing that you are capable of doing things on 100% and instead of that doing them just on like 60%, it's just throwing away your potential even tho you can think at this moment 60% is your personal best.

I hate myself for that. I hate myself for not caring about this and not caring about others.

Maybe it will all fade away soon or maybe I will find something to aim on and will be focused on that specific thing but for now, it just seems so far away, so unrealistic that for me, it just doesn't exist

(Okay, this turned out quite personal, whatever, idc)

i have contacted with space material

After few days of doing nothing but having breakdowns I decided that the best thing to do for my own good is to write my very first to do list. We'll see how it goes cause i'm incredibly good at being a mess.

I've been listening to Jeff Bridges's Sleeping tapes on repeat just because it's so comforting and I find sleepy people sweet and that record (can i call it a record? probably yes) simply calms me down. Anyway, you can listen to it here, or even download it AND donate to a charity cause every penny from that goes to No kid hungry.

and here you have an old pic of me that has nothing to do with the actual post